Mummy nearly bleeds to death
Looking good is hard work. And expensive. And time consuming. So this busy mummy advocates DIY beauty.
Of course you can’t guarantee that the results will be as professional, as natural or as complete as the professionals manage but as a stop gap between proper treatments it’s okay.
I’ve a drawer or two full of beauty products that rarely see the light of day. But now that summer has teased us with its presence over the bank holiday weekend (we won’t mention the torrential rain we’ve endured today, biblical is the word) it’s time to unpack the face pack and invest in some heavy duty moisturiser.
Root touch up colours are regular visitors to the house, otherwise I’d need to book in to see Ian at Eclipse every fortnight. Or else risk micro-RM saying things like “Your hair is so beautiful mummy but why have you got a white line in it?” From the mouth of babes.
Then there’s the pedi-products... soaks and exfoliators, pumice and massagers, and every shade of red varnish you could wish for.
Moisturisers, body mitts, face packs, deep conditioning treatments, creams and potions that all promise plenty and deliver poorly.
But the ultimate DIY disaster has to be the home wax. I’m not talking itty bitty strips to tackle facial hair, although it’s worth noting that if you’re doing your own you must concentrate on hair across the entire lip otherwise you risk owning a fine down version of Hilter’s moustache.
Avoid this at all costs, even if it’s necessary to sit in the middle of a department store or shopping centre while someone dressed inevitably in black threads you in full view of your fellow shoppers.
The same applies to eyebrows (and let’s face it ladies, sometimes chins too). Better public humiliation than overplucking because you didn’t step away from the mirror enough to get perspective and now look permanently surprised. Or enigmatic if you want to feel slightly better about having to draw them in.
One area where DIY should never be an option is the bikini wax. Even if you’re only attempting a general tidy up rather than the international Brazilian or French (the mind boggles at a Caledonian but I guess it’ll resemble a thistle), just don’t.
Assuming you have sufficient hands to arrange your body into appropriate poses (and we all know what they are, right girls?) and keep it there while pulling the flesh taut and applying what amounts to an industrial strength fly strip and pull it off your skin at speed and an optimum angle, the potential for blood loss is phenomenal.
One final piece of advice is to apply only one strip at a time. Never, ever be tempted to apply a couple to save time. You’ll find that, after the pain of the first strip you may regret the decision to DIY wax and call a halt to the indignity and pain. You’ll be reduced to peeling the second strip slowly from your traumatised skin and spending a week further irritating it through a combination of scrubbing and coating it in baby oil to prevent it sticking to your knickers.
Just saying.
Of course you can’t guarantee that the results will be as professional, as natural or as complete as the professionals manage but as a stop gap between proper treatments it’s okay.
I’ve a drawer or two full of beauty products that rarely see the light of day. But now that summer has teased us with its presence over the bank holiday weekend (we won’t mention the torrential rain we’ve endured today, biblical is the word) it’s time to unpack the face pack and invest in some heavy duty moisturiser.
Root touch up colours are regular visitors to the house, otherwise I’d need to book in to see Ian at Eclipse every fortnight. Or else risk micro-RM saying things like “Your hair is so beautiful mummy but why have you got a white line in it?” From the mouth of babes.
Then there’s the pedi-products... soaks and exfoliators, pumice and massagers, and every shade of red varnish you could wish for.
Moisturisers, body mitts, face packs, deep conditioning treatments, creams and potions that all promise plenty and deliver poorly.
But the ultimate DIY disaster has to be the home wax. I’m not talking itty bitty strips to tackle facial hair, although it’s worth noting that if you’re doing your own you must concentrate on hair across the entire lip otherwise you risk owning a fine down version of Hilter’s moustache.
Avoid this at all costs, even if it’s necessary to sit in the middle of a department store or shopping centre while someone dressed inevitably in black threads you in full view of your fellow shoppers.
The same applies to eyebrows (and let’s face it ladies, sometimes chins too). Better public humiliation than overplucking because you didn’t step away from the mirror enough to get perspective and now look permanently surprised. Or enigmatic if you want to feel slightly better about having to draw them in.
One area where DIY should never be an option is the bikini wax. Even if you’re only attempting a general tidy up rather than the international Brazilian or French (the mind boggles at a Caledonian but I guess it’ll resemble a thistle), just don’t.
Assuming you have sufficient hands to arrange your body into appropriate poses (and we all know what they are, right girls?) and keep it there while pulling the flesh taut and applying what amounts to an industrial strength fly strip and pull it off your skin at speed and an optimum angle, the potential for blood loss is phenomenal.
One final piece of advice is to apply only one strip at a time. Never, ever be tempted to apply a couple to save time. You’ll find that, after the pain of the first strip you may regret the decision to DIY wax and call a halt to the indignity and pain. You’ll be reduced to peeling the second strip slowly from your traumatised skin and spending a week further irritating it through a combination of scrubbing and coating it in baby oil to prevent it sticking to your knickers.
Just saying.
x
Comments
Post a Comment
Thanks for ranting!