Mummy's Rant

I am officially an embarrassing mum. Here's the background. It was Mini-RM's 8th birthday this weekend and she wanted a pop-star party. So the back end of last week was spent creating a confectionery masterpiece AKA the birthday cake. By Saturday morning, I had something reasonably resembling the figure eight, decorated in  a pop-stylesque fashion, complete with sparkling candles and some funky toppers (thanks Auntie Beans). The time since party pick-up has been spent either cringing in a way that exacerbates the ache in my pregnancy-damaged back, or belly laughing. I don't know how many of my fellow mummies have ever considered hosting a pop party. I would totally recommend it - I haven't laughed out loud that much since I heard a child run, jump and bounce off a glass window last summer. I didn't see it, but the noise - a low-level boing and clatter of limbs - has left an indelible audio image that still makes me snigger uncontrollably. At this point, I ...

R. Lee Ermey, famous for playing a hard-headed Marine Corps drill instructor in the Academy Award-nominated film “Full Metal Jacket,” has died at age 74, announced by his manager. Ermey served 11 years in the US Marine Corps, spending 14 months in Vietnam and then in Okinawa, Japan, where he became staff sergeant, before being discharged in 1972.  He was discovered by legendary director Francis Ford Coppola during the filming of “Apocalypse Now” and served as a technical adviser for the film, also playing the role of a helicopter pilot. Eight years later in Stanley Kubrick’s Vietnam opus "Full Metal Jacket", he played the foul-mouthed and permanently shouting Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, with responsible for breaking in recruits.  Perhaps channelling his own experiences, his diatribes towards his boot camp recruits include now famous quotes including the "only steers and queers come from Texas" and " I will give you three seconds, exactly three fuck...

It's a common misconception that certain diseases are the terrors of old age only. Many physical and neurological illness aren't age specific and stories about the impact of Parkinson's Disease on young sufferers are increasingly shared. Early-onset Parkinsons affects 21-40 year olds, but juvenile-onset affects under-21s. Today is World Parkinson's Day. There are some 14 million people living with Parkinson's Disease (PD) and it's not always easy to determine whether it's PD or another illness that's affecting you. Parkinson.org details early symptoms, and recommends if you have more than one sign, consider making an appointment to speak to your doctor. 10 early signs of Parkinson's Resting tremors, when your hands, digits or even chin shake slightly. Have you done exercise, hurt yourself, or are you stressed? Some medicines also cause shaking. Smaller than usual handwriting can be PD, but equally poor vision or cramped or stiff fin...

Contraception has, thankfully, changed over the centuries. The women of previous generations had a choice when it came to contraception. They could opt for the unpredictable method of withdrawal, AKA the rhythm method. This had undocumented side effects which included palpitations, sweating and general nausea lasting for up to four weeks. Or perhaps the more Puritan among them preferred abstention. Despite fewer pregnancies compared with the withdrawal method, this alternative remedy was known to result in localised frustration. Condoms have been around for centuries. King Minus of Crete apparently used one, or rather his wife did - he'd been told his semen contained "scorpions and serpents" that killed his mistresses and using a condom protected his wife from his killer seed. Sounds like venereal disease to me. Far from the discreet foil wrapped latex versions available today, the prototypical prophylactics were made of fish bladders and animal guts. Co...

Once upon a time, in a place not very far away, there lived a lady, the heroine of our story. The lady was good and kind, and genuinely cared about people. She had once been beautiful, but tried to avoid looking full frontal in the iMirror on the Wall now, because middle age was creeping up on her. By squinting, she was able to remember how she looked as a girl, before her hair started to grey, her skin lost its youthful glow and her body bore the marks of motherhood. Although her outward beauty was fading, her inner beauty shone brightly for all to see. Anyway, we digress. This lady had spent her career toiling for evil step-companies, but she dreamed of working at something she truly loved, without the in-house politics and empty words of progression and pay rises that haunted her days. Still, despite the lies and underhandedness, our heroine worked with loyalty, passion and dedication. Although she struggled with her relationship with the iMirror on the Wall, she recognised th...

Today (Friday), a tax on sugar has come into force in the UK, alongside levies on other unhealthy products. A series of studies by medical journal The Lancet on the burden of "lifestyle diseases" - cancers, diabetes and heart disease - caused by diet and activities rather than hereditary found that sugar and unhealthy products contribute to around 38 million deaths worldwide. The Lancet taskforce which carried out the studies considered that lifestyle diseases are "a major cause and consequence of poverty" affecting a higher number of "poor households". Made more likely by alcohol, smoking and obesity, lifestyle diseases can seriously impact ability to work, increase the risk of a shorter lifespan, and, the studies claim, result in an economic impact. Taxing unhealthy products, thereby encouraging healthier consumer choices, can "produce major health gains... without disproportionately harming the poorest in society". Obesity ra...

Today, the wonderful Maya Angelou would have been 90. If ever there was an example of a phenomenal woman, it is she. Nothing I can write would ever resonate as strongly as her words, so today's post is for the phenomenal women in my life and those I've yet to meet. These words are chosen for the sage advice they've provided me through my life, my career, and my relationships. May they bring you comfort too, whenever you need it. With love. If you only have one smile in you, give it to the people you love. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, som...

I get down and can't get up again. Today's gym trip was planned so carefully: a zen session starting with core, followed by pilates and topped off with yoga. I had a mental image of a calisthenic workout, challenging but not sweaty, and leaving with abs of steel and chilled to the max. However, core was fully booked so I went next door and tried Zumba instead. I'm a complex person.  My friend told me it would be fun. By which I think she meant that anyone watching we 40-somethings trying to coordinate the hips, the arms, the legs and the feet with each other (leaving aside the insistent beat of the music) would die laughing. The music was loud too, particularly as I had to position myself at the back and to the far right so I couldn't see myself in the mirror... always those damn mirrors... right next to one of the speakers. We started off well - a little stepping and some arm swinging and I was enjoying myself, and keeping up with the sexa, septua and octoge...