Pants on fire

As a mother of two, I can confidently add peace keeper to my resume. In fact, should the UN ever need an ambassador of inter-familial management, I'm their girl. I've mastered the art of sotte voce too, with the ability to inject varying levels of threat into it whilst maintaining the same low level. I can also do shouting.

I do my level best to tolerate the less pleasant characteristics in people. In fact, I've written a little poem about it - some positive channelling.

Rudeness, inconsideration, 

Laziness, procrastination, 

Incompetence, aggressive stance,

I'll give them all a fighting chance.

Nosiness and nastiness,

And sly underhandedness.

Back biter or total flake,

But there's something I won't take.

Lie about me, or my acts,

Slander, libel, skew the facts,

Defamation, sabotage,

Amending, bending, truth massage,

To my face, behind my back,

However you choose to spread that cac,

I'm smart, I'm clever and I'm wise

And I'll refute your nasty lies.

Before you slide this slippery slope

Consider - can you really cope?

You'll come off worst, please don't doubt.

The truth will always, always out.

This clearly isn't aimed at my children - they're loud and trying but they're good hearts. It's how I've brought them up to be (the good hearts, not the loud and trying, they've honed that themselves).

But for every liar who I've had the misfortune to meet and know, you insult my intelligence. I'll sit here and listen to your bull, but inside I'm laughing and I can't wait to see what you come up with next!

Beware the half truth people, there's a bloody good chance you'll get the wrong half.