Best job in the world

Expectant-parents of child-making age and parents of all ages will be familiar with the concept of advice and anecdotes from well-meaning friends, family and complete strangers. Conversations will vary depending on your circle, but most will generally cover the following:

• "duration and drama of personal labour" competition - this will either scare the crap out of you or lull you into a false sense of security - labour hurts, quite a bloody bit.
• "where I had my baby" assessment - a class-distinguishing exercise, which will never be trumped having met a debutante with a media following, who announced her elective was performed at the Lindo Wing. The good news is that this is only an occasional test - most likely first experienced in the playground.
• "how to make you think you broke your baby" - an open mike session, which will hoodwink you into thinking that a newborn really does have the capacity to sleep like a log for a whole night and breast feeding is easy. They don't and it isn't.
• "world's nastiest nappy" - need I say more? May also include a brief sojourn into the "world's furthest projectile vomit".
• "did they have a lucky escape?"- this is one you can play yourself. Inevitably, all it takes is a single well-timed comment about children's names. And from there, it won't be long before you can judge the "this is what they could have been called" confessions. So far, I've met an Ajax and a Zeus. A word to the wise... while we're quite open about what we might have chosen, it's never a good idea to laugh in a parent's face.
• Here's the biggie - "you have no idea"- unique to those who've had their babies, a love like no other, and I'm afraid true. A little more good news, we're open to new members.

I always thought that being a mum was the best job in the world. But then I discovered a vacancy for Director of Wishgranting. I'm a little too old to be a princess (close friends will remember the reaction when I wanted to be Elsa at mini-me's 5th birthday party), but it's not too late to be a fairy godmother.

It may not have the grandest job title and it may not be the best job in the world. It's certainly the hardest job I've ever had, with the greatest responsibility I've ever been given. It's the best thing I've ever done too.

Don't forget your mum this Mother's Day.