Mummy's Rant

We're going out tonight. We've got plans. And no children (thanks mum and dad). As it's OH's big birthday coming up, the exact terms of engagement remain a mystery, which has caused some dilemmas on the "what to wear" front, so I have two options from which to choose. Casual chic, or deconstructed elegance. If they don't hit the mark, there's the reserve option too - whatever I can get into. I know how it's going to work out, there's a pattern. I start well, plenty of time to get into the shower and enjoy the luxurious rainfall experience without a small person (one of mine obviously, anyone else's would just be weird) sitting on the loo (please God with the lid down), giving me a running commentary about something of great importance interspersed with observations about my boobs. Or sharing the shower. By which I mean standing under the full force of the water like an outtake from a Herbal Essences ad, while I try and wash myself under...

There's less than a week to go until my husband turns 40, and I have to say, he's taking it remarkably well (so far). My 40th was a blast. We had a family trip to Rome (him, me, my parents and the mini-RMs), a surprise until we reached the departure lounge. There was also THE BEST FILM TRAILER EVER MADE, which my husband arranged, wrote, starred in, directed and presented to me with my family at an exclusive dinner in a boutique venue in Kent. While we were in Rome, we managed to escape the minis and have a couple of hours, just us, to meander, eat and reminisce on our previous visits to the boot of Europe. Our first-ever holiday together was to Lake Garda. This was back in the day when we dressed up to fly, I'd taken 17 pairs of shoes, and we arrived in blazing sun. After checking into our hotel, we headed in our linen trousers to find a seat with a view of the lake and indulged in a bottle of white wine and a bowl of the most decadent olives. The heat was sult...

Next week, it's all change in our house. Again. OH begins a new, dream role (more on that story later) and the Mini-RMs finally go back to school. Not that I'm looking forward to it or anything. I've done this back to school stuff before, in varying degrees of ineptitude, so this year I was adamant I would take full advantage of the unique factor for 2018 - namely that I work from home and therefore have more spare time thanks to a minute commute and downtime when I want it - and make like a boy scout... be prepared. Let's be honest, that preparedness is shot to shit.  I started so well, but perhaps peaked a little too early. There was a short period where we got loads done. I was a powerhouse of organisation - in the run up to the Maldives I smashed work, blitzed life admin, micro-packed an extraordinary number of clothes in two suitcases (our friends took four, one of which was full of shoes) and left the house in a state that can only be described as...